How to deal this the #pronouns question

(Otherwise known as #CompelledSpeech or the #PronounPolice)

How to deal with #pronouns Option 1: Boundaries:

You can start by being firm and polite. “No, thank you” will do nicely.

Keep it friendly. Don’t explain yourself. Stand your ground. Just say “NO”.

Your interlocutor might choke a little on that one, he or she probably will think that you misunderstood or that you need “educating”.

When he or she asks again, this time probably speaking very slowly to educate you, keep cool, breathe in, breathe out, smile and repeat “No, thank you”.

How to deal with #pronouns Option 2: The educational approach:

There is no avoiding it, there will come a time when you will have to get into the subject itself. Your weapon of choice is right here and an absolute must-read: Barra Kerr’s Pronouns are Rohypnol amazing article on the psychological impact of using pronouns.

Quote Barra Kerr and explain:

“They change our perception, lower our defences, make us react differently, alter the reality in front of us.”

Encourage your interlocutor to read this and to do the exercises themselves.

How to deal with #pronouns Option 3: Dissent as psychological self-defence

Following naturally from the point above, keep calm and explain the following:

“Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves”.

I got his quote from here but a quick google search will give you tons of information if you are not familiar.

People enforcing preferred pronouns on others, like the person you are speaking to, need everyone’s compliance to feel more comfortable with their own confusion. In short, everyone knows and recognises men and women at first glance. Everyone knows that transwomen are men. Yet we are guilt-tripped to use contradicting pronouns to make people who call themselves trans comfortable and comfort them in their illusions, regardless of our own discomfort and indeed health. It is not only a mental gymnastics to do that, it harms us psychologically. But if everybody else also lies, the cognitive dissonance becomes more manageable. Mass compliance means that everybody can lie and look at themselves in the mirror because it is socially approved.

Unfortunately, like any other form of gaslighting, using a pronoun that contradict someone biological sex is confusing the brain. In time it will severely harm us because gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. Preferred #pronouns are a form of mass emotional abuse we should all resist.

How to deal with #pronouns Option 4: The material feminist analyses.

In (very) short: Women are being oppressed for centuries because of our sex. We are oppressed because we are female. We call this oppression “sex-based”. 

Some men claim to be oppressed because they wear dresses & makeup (this is what is now referred to as “gender”, a fancy word for “sexist stereotypes”, because wearing a dress does not make one a woman). However many women report having been oppressed even when they wore trousers (!IKR! shocking who would have thought?!) so that theory doesn’t work to explain oppression & how men who call themselves transwomen are supposedly more oppressed than women. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is IMG_20210303_135541_0_2-1024x998.jpg

How to deal with #pronouns Option 5: If at this point of explaining that you do not want to use #pronouns and won’t be compelled to, the person you speak with still doesn’t get it, you are allowed to lose your shit a little. 

How to deal with #pronouns Option 6: Sarcasm.

This might do the trick for the reluctant who refuse to hear rational argument. It goes like this: “If a male can call himself a woman and I am forced to respect that and call him “she”, then I identify as the Queen & you are forced to respect that too. Bring me my crown.”

The #pronouns discussion, Option 7.

When you have used all the options above and are still facing a wall of TWAWTWAWTWAWT there is a huge possibility that your interlocutor has (very sensibly of course) called you a “Nazi” and a “child-killer” at this stage. 

You are allowed to assume your interlocutor is either:

A) part of a cult, brainwashed and temporarily unable to understand a rational argument

B) discussing in bad faith

C) actually not listening

D) pushing an agenda 

E) a sexist prick

F) all of the above

Next steps:

Do not [I repeat] do not discuss with a gaslighter! Remove yourself as soon as possible from that situation as this is really not good for you. You have no doubt be called a #TERF during that conversation. “TERF” is a slur used by misogynists to silence women who know sex is real, women who talk about our bodies, women who name female oppression, in other words, feminists.

Find the RadFems!

Speak-out about your experience.

Welcome to sanity.

I hope this little guide has been useful.


20 thoughts on “How to deal this the #pronouns question

    1. Thank you for reading and for your constructive criticism. you are absolutely right! I shall amend rights away TWAW to TWAT. thanks again!

  1. I’ve just found your website and I want to buy everything (but am unfortunately too skint!), but just wanted to say thank you and that I love what you’re doing, you’ve totally made my day 🧡🧡🧡

  2. Trans rights are human rights trans men are men and women are women stop invalidating you all deserved to be raped says:

    Go to hell bigot

    1. Words need to be clear if dialog is to have meaning, and I object to language designed to promote fantasy as truth. There are endless examples, from “friendly fire” in a news report, to purchase receipts that inform you of how much you saved when you spent money to buy something. I prefer honest language. Definitions are also important because there are real-world consequences. Who is male and female determines much in the world, including programs designed to correct discrimination, provide opportunity, and protect rights. The fastest woman on the planet is slower than the fastest 300+ men, and womens sports are doomed if transwomen are allowed to complete.

      So, can we cut the crap and be honest about transgenderism? The prefix “CIS” is designed to normalize the idea that there are two kinds of men and women (rather than one of each), but no amount of wishing (or public opinion) will make it so. With rare exception, a man is born with a penis, a woman, a vagina. And with the science of DNA, a better definition of the two might be based on the existence or absence of a Y-chromosome, assigned at conception, not birth (as trans activists often claim).

      Certainly, a man might feel like a women trapped in a man’s body. We call this gender disphoria, a mental disconnect that causes distress and suffering. But there is no evidence that mind and body are separate. Your body is not a coat that you wear. Every aspect of who you are– your conscousness, perceptions, memories, understanding, decisions, and behaviors are all exclusively the result of your brain state and activity.

      You can change change your name, dress, appearance, hormonal balance, body parts, and behavior, but no technology currently exists to change your gender. So, if you think that changing your body to appear more like the other gender will finally make you happy, you are in for a rude awakening. Even if the change gives you some relief, if you don’t pass as a woman, life will likely become hell. Think “bad face lift.”

      I find that diversity makes life better and more interesting. And regarding gender and attraction, there are feminine and masculine men and women, and all sorts of combinations of who likes who. I do my best to respect people whether or not they look as I do, and judge them on their behavior, not whom they love.

      But transgenderism is actually a terrible response to a need to belong and to express oneself outside traditional gender roles. In the last 10 years, self-identified transgenders have gone from 200 per million to 10k per million. Like most people, transgender candidates feel left out, want to belong, and want to discard traditional gender roles. That makes sense and we should include everyone and shred traditional gender roles. But do women who identify as trans really want a penis to penetrate nearly every woman they see? No. Do they want to rub one out every day? No. Most are closet lez. Do men who identify as trans want to spend most of their time with other women doing the sort of activities that most engage in? No. They have a fantasy about attracting a man, and they obsess with too much time focused on dressing and acting the way that they believe breeder men will be attracted to, far more than straight women do. Most are closet gay, bottoms to be sure.

      And very few trans have sex reassignment surgery. Thank goodness it’s expensive, otherwise we would have to deal with a lot of not-so-happy people made even more unhappy. Older men and women don’t report being trans in a more accepting world, so this is not about historical suppression. Teen women who desperately want to identify with their peers, and with no history of no sexual identity issues have been particularly vulnerable to messaging of how transgender is a thing, and they are having surgery that fucks them up for life. Actual gender disphoria is a real and serious mental condition. Transgenderism is a fad that takes this mental illness and applies it with horrific consequences.

      It’s time to take the letter-T out of the alphabet soup of sexual diversity. There is no such thing as a “CIS-man” or “CIS-woman.” There are men and there are women, and some of them feel like or desire to be the other at times in their lives, but transgender is not a thing. Gender disphoria is a thing, and it is not healthy. That’s why I say that I love the message of this button.

      1. big weirdo energy that you guys take time out of your day to write paragraphs upon paragraphs of how offended you are by someone else’s life choice that legitimately does not affect or harm you at all. get a real hobby

  3. I’ve found it’s an effective technique to use humour. I like to say “I don’t mind what pronouns you use, but my preferred adjectives are “tall” and “clever” so please would you use those whenever you refer to me.” Works wonders among neutral/sympathetic audiences. Causes terrible shock to the brainwashed.

  4. I found your first “Option 3” to be very educational, for which I thank you.

    Should your second “Option 3” be “Option 4”? 🙂

  5. Isn’t it interesting that the most common response to this debate from *some* of the trans community is, ‘You deserved to be raped’.

    And they wonder why we want to maintain / create female (XX) safe spaces…

    Thank you for all you do, say & share.

  6. As a straight white man I’m unsure if my opinion is welcome here. However I wanted to say that this article is incredible and I applaud you for speaking out. The world has gone mad and the fact that folk are actually scared to speak out and say they don’t agree with this madness is very very scary.

  7. Thank you for such good sense and for restoring my faith in realising there are still some sane people around! I refuse to use “they” for a singular pronoun; as a woman, I consider that I am “she”, a man is “he”. I had begun to think I was the only person who was infuriated by this trans attitude of “I consider myself a woman therefore I am one” – not to me you’re not, and never will be!

  8. Never let them call you transphobic. “The word “phobic” is a clinical term. To use it slanderously against someone is hate speech.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *